.. well I..." and then we looked at each other and smiled helplessly."Weird," she said."You don't have to stay now that you know," I said gallantly. "I understand completely." No," she said. "Why should it make a difference? We know each other's terrible secret and we're as guilty as each other." Dinner?" I said."Another drink," she said. "I'll get them."By the time Karen got back with the drinks, we had both calmed down a little. She really was a mature person, even if I wasn't. She was the head of a junior school, for heaven's sake. She was a genuine adult. And I could see her looking at me as she crossed the floor, but it wasn't a judging look. She had made a decision. She looked almost relieved.We talked again, still on safe ground and not mentioning the site, but more relaxed because we could drop the pretence. I was trying to reboot, to get back to what would have happened if we hadn't known each other. The arrangement had been that we would have dinner together before or. .. that kind of depravity your idea of being in love? What you want me to be is your slave, is that it? Not on your life, kiddo. Get yourself another goodtime girl. I'm not interested." Oh, but you are. And I know it just as much as you do, Pam," he replied coolly. "Because right now, right this very minute, you're as much my slave as I am yours. It's equal kiddo, remember that. Even if you don't believe it now, or don't want to believe it, for two weeks you've done nothing but please yourself as much as you've pleased me. Not once did I force you into anything, or make you do something, which you didn't like, which you couldn't stand to do. Isn't that the truth, Pam? Isn't that the fucking honest to God truth?"She trembled, her lips pouting as she tried to reply to him. But no words came out. She was unable to master the situation, to get the upper hand. Nor did she even want to. She knew he was right, that because of the very nature of her involvement and commitment, she was.
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